October 13th marks twelve months since I ran the Chicago Marathon.
Personally, this was my fifth marathon but one which came with many milestones (some good, some not my idea of good but they came with lessons)
This was my:
Fastest Marathon (PB of 3:45)
Most emotional marathon
Hardest Marathon mentally
Loneliest marathon
Nicest weather marathon
“Get this over with” marathon
I think you can get my drift. Now let me give you some context.
I decided at the end of 2018 to go into the ballot for Chicago, I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d get through. So naturally when I did I was thrilled but unsure about the logistics of it.
My husband and I decided early on that he and my daughter would not travel with me to Chicago and I felt confident that I could go it alone. My mother in law actually loved the idea of a week in Chicago and joined me for the week abroad.
Everything went swimmingly with the travel until I arrived in Chicago and felt that as much as I was there physically, my heart and soul remained back in Melbourne. It was back in Melbourne with my greatest supporters.
This had an impact on me and it wasn’t until coming home that I realised just how much it did. Those few days leading into the marathon I did all I could to remain composed, focused and well but I felt the worst I had felt in a lead up to the marathon, ever. I felt weak, sick, fatigued, drained - everything you do not want to feel when you’ve spent 12 months training and thousands of dollars to be there.
But the show had to go on and I did all I could to soak up the feeling.
The night before the marathon was horrible. I struggled barely 2 hours sleep on the back of blaring music in the hotel (which oddly enough no one else heard other than my MIL and I). This restlessness and angst had me make a mercy dash call to my husband and daughter back home at 1am to just simply hear their voices. By this time I was so overwhelmed by the pressure of not sleeping that I ended up in tears to my husband, devastated that I was letting this marathon dream pass me by.
Thoughts of shame and guilt flooded my mind which led to anxious thoughts of how the hell am I going to do this. My husband calmly reminded me I’m in Chicago about to run a marathon, that it’s time to get a grip and just have fun! Thank goodness for some perspective.
Eventually, I dosed and woke at 5am after having just gone to sleep at about 3ish. My body, my mind and my heart tired, so damn tired. But like we do, I just put one foot in front of the other and I left that hotel room to join the other Travelling Fit runners in the lobby to make that trek to the start line.
I rejoiced in some simple chit chat with the others, trying to keep my self doubt thoughts at bay.
“I can do this” I kept telling myself.
I left the bigger group to just be alone at the start line. It was what I needed. No other thoughts clouding my judgement. No one else to please. What I needed right in that moment was to simply be by myself.
An independent, strong woman who is never afraid to pursue my dreams, I thought it had all come crumbling down on me. That I was not so strong or courageous after all.
It was whilst I was waiting at the start line that I realised just how strong I was. Because in the face of adversity, I still showed up. I still showed up to give it my all. This was the timely reminder that I was even stronger than I thought.
And I knew the moment the gun fired and I crossed that finish line, that all of my hard work training, the guidance of my coach and the unwavering support of my beautiful family back home was with me. And it was all I needed to run it and run that PB.
I crossed that finish line with tears of joy, exhaustion, pain, love and gratitude.
I crossed that finish line with the gift of remembering why I do this, why I run marathons. And it is because of that unexplainable feeling you get when you cross that line. When you bear witness to your own strength. When you experience the sheer joy of achieving your goal. And then having that excitement that I don’t need to run tomorrow, but then feeling a little sad that it’s over at the same time.
And with each marathon finished, knowing that no-one can take the lessons and experience from you is the greatest unexplainable high there is.
“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals”. - Henry David Thoreau
Natalie has experienced great marathon lessons over the years. Lessons that she has turned into a career as a Mindset Coach. Natalie knows that those marathon feels are just too great not to help others achieve their own “marathon highs”, no matter what it is. You can check out more about her work at www.ownyouthealthco.com.au